PUN 1
IF THE DOVE IS THE BIRD OF THE PEACE, THE SWALLOW
IS THE BIRD OF LOVE.
PUN 2
Q: WHO MADE THE FIRST DRINK?
A: ADAM. HE MADE EVE'S CHERRY POP
PUN 3
I USED TO WORK WITH A BALD-HEADED GUY WHO HAD
TATTOOS OF RABBITS ALL OVER HIS HEAD. FROM A
DISTANCE, THEY LOOK LIKE HARES.
PUN 4
THE DONKEY IS THE ONLY ANIMAL THAT CAN REPRODUCE
BY ASS FUCKING.
PUN 5
Q: WHY WAS IT DIFFICULT FOR CLINTON TO FIRE MONICA
LEWINSKY?
A: HE COULDN'T GIVE HER A PINK SLIP WITHOUT ASKING
HER TO TRY IT ON FIRST.
PUN 6
THE QUICKEST WAY TO A MAN'S HEART IS THRU HIS CHEST.
PUN 7
Q: WHICH VEGETABLE DID NOAH LEAVE OFF THE ARK?
A: LEEKS
PUN 8
Q: WHAT DID ADAM SAY IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN ON
DECEMBER 24?
A: IT'S CHRISTMAS, EVE.
PUN 9
A WISE MAN ONCE SAID THAT INSTEAD OF SEEING A WOMAN
WRESTLE, HE'D LIKE TO SEE HER BOX.
PUN 10
I DROPPED OUT OF MY COMMUNISM CLASS BECAUSE OF LOUSY
MARX.
quarta-feira, 30 de março de 2011
sexta-feira, 11 de março de 2011
funny jokes 1
JOKE 1
The loose cowgirl got fired because she couldn't keep her calves together.
JOKE 2
Why doesn't Santa have any children?
- because he comes only once a year, and when he does, it's down the chimney.
JOKE 3
A man was looking for work at a blacksmith shop. The blacksmith asked him,
"can you shoe horses?"
"I'm not sure," the man said, "but I once told a donkey to fuck off."
JOKE 4
Did you hear about the woman who went on a fishing trip with five guys?
- she came back with a big red snapper.
JOKE 5
Q: What can a bird do that a man can't?
A: whistle thru his pecker.
JOKE 6
At The Anatomy Class
A woman enrolled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day is involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks the woman if she knows what her asshole does when she has an orgasm.
"Sure!" she says, "He's at home taking care of the kids..."
JOKE 7
Flying Kites
A guy is outside in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son. Every time the kite gets up in the air, it comes crashing down. After this goes on for a while, his wife sticks her head out the front door and yells, "You need more tail."
The guy turns to his son and says, "Son, I never will understand women. I just told her an hour ago I needed more tail, and she told me to go fly a kite!"
The loose cowgirl got fired because she couldn't keep her calves together.
JOKE 2
Why doesn't Santa have any children?
- because he comes only once a year, and when he does, it's down the chimney.
JOKE 3
A man was looking for work at a blacksmith shop. The blacksmith asked him,
"can you shoe horses?"
"I'm not sure," the man said, "but I once told a donkey to fuck off."
JOKE 4
Did you hear about the woman who went on a fishing trip with five guys?
- she came back with a big red snapper.
JOKE 5
Q: What can a bird do that a man can't?
A: whistle thru his pecker.
JOKE 6
At The Anatomy Class
A woman enrolled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day is involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks the woman if she knows what her asshole does when she has an orgasm.
"Sure!" she says, "He's at home taking care of the kids..."
JOKE 7
Flying Kites
A guy is outside in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son. Every time the kite gets up in the air, it comes crashing down. After this goes on for a while, his wife sticks her head out the front door and yells, "You need more tail."
The guy turns to his son and says, "Son, I never will understand women. I just told her an hour ago I needed more tail, and she told me to go fly a kite!"
domingo, 6 de março de 2011
jokes
Joke 1
Three men wait at the gates of heaven on Christmas Eve. They're
told they have to present a Christmas gift to get in. The first man checks his
pockets and finds pine needles from his family's tree. He's allowed in. The
second hands over a bow and some ribbon. He's allowed in. The third man pulls
out a pair of panties. "How do those represent Christmas?" St. Peter asks him.
"Oh," the man replies, "they're Carol's."
joke 2
Two nuns are driving down a road late at night when a vampire
jumps onto the hood of their car. The one nun says to the other, "Quick! Show him your cross!" So the other nun leans out the window and shouts, "Get off our f--ing car!"
joke 3
On the chest of a barmaid at Yale,
Were tattooed the prices of ale.
And on her behind, for the sake of the blind,
Was the same information in Braille.
Joke 4
Why should all hurricanes be named after women?
-When they arrive, they're wet and wild, and when they leave, they take your house and car.
joke 5
An old man and an old lady are getting ready for bed one night when all of a sudden the woman bursts out of the bathroom, flings open her robe and yells "Super Pussy!" The old man says "I'll have the soup."
Three men wait at the gates of heaven on Christmas Eve. They're
told they have to present a Christmas gift to get in. The first man checks his
pockets and finds pine needles from his family's tree. He's allowed in. The
second hands over a bow and some ribbon. He's allowed in. The third man pulls
out a pair of panties. "How do those represent Christmas?" St. Peter asks him.
"Oh," the man replies, "they're Carol's."
joke 2
Two nuns are driving down a road late at night when a vampire
jumps onto the hood of their car. The one nun says to the other, "Quick! Show him your cross!" So the other nun leans out the window and shouts, "Get off our f--ing car!"
joke 3
On the chest of a barmaid at Yale,
Were tattooed the prices of ale.
And on her behind, for the sake of the blind,
Was the same information in Braille.
Joke 4
Why should all hurricanes be named after women?
-When they arrive, they're wet and wild, and when they leave, they take your house and car.
joke 5
An old man and an old lady are getting ready for bed one night when all of a sudden the woman bursts out of the bathroom, flings open her robe and yells "Super Pussy!" The old man says "I'll have the soup."
quinta-feira, 3 de março de 2011
obama
O B A M A, F U K U I
Obama is a city located in Fukui Prefecture, Japan.
It lies in the region of Hokuriku. It faces Wakasa Bay due north of
Kyoto, and is about four to five hours by train from Tokyo. As of
Oct. 1, 2005, the city had an estimated population of 33,000.
Obama means "little beach" in Japanese. In the
Ritsuryo period, Obama was the capital of Wakasa Province.
The city is called "Nara by the sea". Fukui Prefectural University
is located in Obama and it has been operating since 1992.
There are a number of Japanese with the surname
Obama. Though the American President is of Kenyan Luo
heritage, it is not uncommon for Japanese and East African
names to sound alike.
On January 20, 2009, the day that Barack Obama
was sworn into office, the city of Obama celebrated with women
dancing the hula at the Hagaji Temple to celebrate the
inauguration.
T E X T C O M P R E H E N S I O N
01- Complete:
- Barack Obama is of Kenyan ___________.
A( )stock B( )town C( )region D( )province E( )government
02- Check the incorrect information about the city of Obama.
A( ) country > Japan
B( ) region > Hokuriku
C( ) prefecture > Fukui
D( ) population > Thirty three hundred
E( ) province > Wakasa
03- Fukui Prefectural University is ___________years old.
A( )eighteen B( )eighty C( )seventeen
D( )nineteen E( )twenty
04- In the sentence "it faces Wakasa Bay due north of Kyoto",
the word "faces" is a(n):
A( )noun B( )pronoun C( )adverb D( )adjecticve E( )verb
05- In the sentence of the question 4, the word "it" refers to:
A( )Obama B( )Japan C( )Kyoto D( )Fukui E( )Wakasa Bay
Obama is a city located in Fukui Prefecture, Japan.
It lies in the region of Hokuriku. It faces Wakasa Bay due north of
Kyoto, and is about four to five hours by train from Tokyo. As of
Oct. 1, 2005, the city had an estimated population of 33,000.
Obama means "little beach" in Japanese. In the
Ritsuryo period, Obama was the capital of Wakasa Province.
The city is called "Nara by the sea". Fukui Prefectural University
is located in Obama and it has been operating since 1992.
There are a number of Japanese with the surname
Obama. Though the American President is of Kenyan Luo
heritage, it is not uncommon for Japanese and East African
names to sound alike.
On January 20, 2009, the day that Barack Obama
was sworn into office, the city of Obama celebrated with women
dancing the hula at the Hagaji Temple to celebrate the
inauguration.
T E X T C O M P R E H E N S I O N
01- Complete:
- Barack Obama is of Kenyan ___________.
A( )stock B( )town C( )region D( )province E( )government
02- Check the incorrect information about the city of Obama.
A( ) country > Japan
B( ) region > Hokuriku
C( ) prefecture > Fukui
D( ) population > Thirty three hundred
E( ) province > Wakasa
03- Fukui Prefectural University is ___________years old.
A( )eighteen B( )eighty C( )seventeen
D( )nineteen E( )twenty
04- In the sentence "it faces Wakasa Bay due north of Kyoto",
the word "faces" is a(n):
A( )noun B( )pronoun C( )adverb D( )adjecticve E( )verb
05- In the sentence of the question 4, the word "it" refers to:
A( )Obama B( )Japan C( )Kyoto D( )Fukui E( )Wakasa Bay
quarta-feira, 2 de março de 2011
terça-feira, 1 de março de 2011
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